Thursday, 15 October 2015

Well it could well be happening, a little brother or sister for J.  I’m 12 weeks pregnant so I should be able to start enjoying my pregnancy now right ?  Start having those fantastic pregnancy feelings you read so much about ?

You read and hear so much how people enjoyed their pregnancy, and was a fantastic time in their life.  Watching that bump get bigger, feeling those kicks and going on shopping trips to all the baby shops. I am struggling to see all these points right now, they feel so far from reality, a work of fiction or rose coloured nostalgic memories from a broody mum wanting another child.

Maybe I should explain my scepticism of the perfect beautiful  pregnancy and also state this baby I’m expecting is very much wanted and already so much loved….

1)            I am constantly on edge, scared of miscarriage – you may say that’s a normal fear and can relax soon. I don’t think I can, as what was written in my green notes about previous pregnancies .. what is written there tells the route of my fears …. 1 + 18 ( for those of you not been pregnant before it refers to amount of pregnancies and children you have , and I have J plus 18 angel babies who didn’t make it past 14 weeks)

2)            So after I get past 14 weeks I could start relaxing right ? Well I thought that with my pregnancy with J.. I set little targets with him, and told myself once I got to 24 weeks I could stop being so nervous and start really enjoying the pregnancy . That didn’t happen. I hit 24 + 5 and found myself in labour then having a cervix stitch put in, steroids given and put on bed rest. J was born at 27+1 ( more of this journey can be read in the pages on the blog

I think time will only tell if my anxiousness, feeling on edge, scared to tell people I’m pregnant , scared to buy anything or even let myself be happy I’m expecting will go and I get all the feelings we dream and read about


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